What Makes One Tick
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Paula isn't letting Tim forget about what happened in Grace Period. Tony isn't sure he knows what is going on. Oneshot written for the NFA Nepal Charity auction.


**A/N:** Another ficlet for the NFA Nepal Charity auction. I've only got two more to write. :) This one is not exactly what I'd thought it would be when I started and it may not be great, but I think it's okay. Tim is really not having a good time.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS or its characters. I'm not trying to profit off this story...except in maybe an ego-boost or two. :)

* * *

 **What Makes One Tick  
** by Enthusiastic Fish

" _Why did you let us die in your place? What did we do to deserve it? Was your life more valuable than ours?" Paula demanded._

 _Jim and Rick stood silently behind her. They didn't speak._

"No," Tim said. "I would have traded places if I could have. I didn't know!"

" _It's easy to say that, now. We're dead and you're still alive."_

He wanted her to understand. He really did.

"Please, believe me. I didn't know what was going to happen. None of us did!"

 _Paula walked around him, forcing him to turn around in a circle. Jim and Rick still stood silently._

" _You knew it wasn't your turn to have a week off. You knew that someone else would have to be in your place. Jim had just got married!"_

He turned to Jim.

"I'm so sorry, Jim. I hated seeing you like you were. I felt so terrible about it."

" _Again, it's easy to say. Do you know how many people I lost over the years? Do you know how many times I had to face that loss? This is something that could have been avoided if only you didn't take precedence over us."_

He looked back at Paula and was surprised to see her walking away from him. He started to run after her, but he was exhausted, out of breath. Things didn't seem quite right.

"Please, what do I have to do to make you believe me?"

He heard some kind of pounding sound and a distant voice, distracting him from Paula.

"Come on, McGee! Open the door! Gibbs wants to know where you are! You're going to be in big trouble if you don't let me in!"

" _There's nothing you can do. You let us die. I gave my life to save others and all you did was let us die."_

"No! That's not true!"

There were hands on his arms, shaking him.

"McGee, what's going on?"

" _You'll have to suffer your guilt forever. You'll never get away from that because you'll always be guilty of doing nothing."_

"No! No!"

"Tim, what's wrong? Man, you're burning up, Tim. Can you hear me?"

 _Paula looked at him with disdain._

" _Are you going to pretend that you'd rather die?"_

"No, I don't want to die, but I didn't want you to die, either!"

There was a stinging sensation on his face and Paula disappeared. Tony was there, looming over him. Tim pulled back in shock, feeling hot and cold at the same time.

"I didn't want her to die, Tony. I didn't!"

"What are you talking about, Tim?" Tony asked.

"I don't want...I wish I could do..." He was breathless and tired.

"Never mind, I don't care what you're talking about. I'm taking you to a doctor. You look terrible. Why didn't you call someone?"

Tim was having a hard time following what Tony said.

"I'd die in their place," he said. "I really would have. I don't know why she wouldn't believe me."

"Come on, McGee. Get up."

"Up?"

He'd thought he was standing up already, but he felt Tony pull him upright. Why did everything seem so fuzzy and confusing?

"Tony, maybe she'll believe you. She wouldn't believe me," he said.

"Later, McGee. Let's go."

Tim felt himself prodded forward and he walked, but he kept looking around for Paula. He wanted her to stop blaming him.

The world swirled around him in a fog of confusion. Tim leaned on Tony for stability, but he kept looking for Paula.

"Where did she go?"

"Who?"

"Paula."

"Cassidy?"

"Where did she go? She was so mad at me."

"McGee, you must be crazy. Paula's been dead for years."

Tim nodded. He knew that.

"She said it was my fault."

"Yours? Paula's not like that, Tim. She'd never blame you for something like that. Here's the car. I'm going to take you to the ER. I'll call Gibbs and let him know that you're out of it."

"I'm not. I'm all the way in it," Tim said.

"In what?"

"I don't know."

There was a laugh, and Tim looked at Tony.

"Where are we going?"

"Hospital. You can figure out the rest of it, later."

"Can you tell Paula that it's not my fault?"

"Sure, Probie. I'll do that."

There was a period of just plain weirdness and then, he heard Tony get out of the car and come around and open Tim's door.

"All right, Tim. Let's get inside."

"Is Paula in there?"

"Nope. Just a bunch of doctors and maybe some hot nurses. Up you go."

Tim walked into a noisy space with Tony. He was _really_ trying to focus, but everything just insisted in smearing into unintelligibility.

"Hey, my friend's got a fever and he's talking really weird. Can you help?"

He was pulled in and people started asking him questions. He tried to answer them, and then, they let him lie on a flat surface. It was quiet for a while.

" _You're not going to get away from this."_

"I'm sorry," he said, softly. "I really am."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Tim."

"Tell that to Paula."

"Why don't you try to go to sleep? That's okay, right?"

"Yes, that should be fine."

"Go to sleep, Tim."

"But she won't stop blaming me."

"That's not really her. It can't be. Just ignore her. Aren't you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Then, go to sleep. I'll distract Paula."

"Okay."

Gradually, the smear faded to gray and then black.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim opened his eyes, feeling really tired, but relieved that the strange smear effect in his vision was gone. He sat up and looked around. He thought he'd remembered going to a hospital and apparently, that had been a real memory. He had an IV. He vaguely remembered getting that. There was a knock on the door and it opened.

"Ah, I'm glad to see you with your eyes open and sane-looking, Tim."

"Hey, Tony. What happened?"

"You got bit."

"By what?"

"A tick."

"A tick? I haven't been out anyplace where there would be ticks...anytime recently."

"Yeah, the doc said that was probably right. You got Lyme disease and must have had it for a while."

"Lyme disease? Really? But I never saw a rash."

"Some people don't get the rash."

"Oh. Wow. That was...awful."

"What happened?"

"Hard to explain. I got up like usual, and then, I felt dizzy. So I got back in bed. Then, things just started to get weird. I was hot. I was cold. ...and..."

"You had Paula Cassidy berating you."

"Yeah."

"She'd never do that, you know. Paula wasn't like that."

Tim smiled a little. "I do know that. I didn't know her as well as you did, but she never was..."

"Then, why?"

"I guess I've never really...forgotten about that. Jim was a good friend and I always felt kind of responsible."

"You weren't."

"I guess deep down, I didn't believe that."

Tim looked up at Tony.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?" Tony asked with an incredulous smile.

"For being stupid. I should have gone to a doctor as soon as I started feeling weird."

"Well, do you know how long you were in your apartment?"

"Just the day, wasn't it? You said I was late."

"Yeah. On Monday."

"Monday? I thought it was...Sunday."

"You were really out of it, McGee. You were sitting on the floor when I came in."

"I was?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

Tony sat down, looking serious.

"And you shouldn't feel guilty about what happened with Paula and her team. That was years ago. You weren't at fault, and none of them would want you to think that."

"Yeah, I know."

"Good. Then, you can believe it and get better so I don't have to be nice to you."

"Yeah."

Tony patted him on the shoulder.

"Just get better, Tim. Ignore any of that stuff if you start thinking about it again. ...and you can call me if you need me to tell you that again."

"Really?"

"Yes...as long as you don't get stupid about it."

Tim laughed. "Sure, okay. Thanks, Tony."

"You're welcome. Just stay away from the ticks, okay?"

"I'll do that."

FINIS!


End file.
